The Fake Shogun
Do you know the story of the football coach that claimed that he was a shogun? By definition a Shogun is the
Commander of the Armies in old Japanese culture. This American coach named Bill Johnson was the coach of
the Sierra Bulldogs. The team had won consecutive championships, dominating on offense and stifling on defense.
They absolutely dominated their opponents and after 3 years of this, Johnson decided to call himself Bill “Shogun”
Johnson. He claimed that based on the success of his teams, he had earned the title of “General”. Anytime he was
interviewed by the press they would address him as Coach Johnson. He refused to respond to this and would walk out
of interviews in protest. Finally the press gave in to his request and started calling him “Shogun”.
But all this did not go unnoticed. An old Japanese man named Yori with mythical powers heard about this arrogant
American calling himself “Shogun”. First he laughed at the notion that an American would even suggest he was some
kind of General, without ever fighting on the field of battle. After the humor wore off, he decided to teach Bill a lesson.
Yori was the guardian of all that was mythical and Japanese. He called up the old warriors, resurrecting them with his
magic. The purpose was simple; humble this arrogant man and stop him from using the term “Shogun” forever. Once
these warriors had been raised from the dead, he made them watch American Football to understand the rules and
regulations. It took them a day to understand, in fact they all laughed at the notion that a coach of this sport would
claim to be a General.
Yori waited for the right opportunity to challenge Johnson to a Football match. Johnson was out doing one of his
many press conferences after another victory. As he was completing this, Yori shouted out, “how can you be the
Shogun, when you haven’t beaten the greatest team ever?”......Johnson smiled and said “and who would that be? I
have beaten all the teams twice over, there is no one else left for the “Shogun” to beat”...Yori screamed in anger “you
have no right to that title, beat my team and you can claim the title forever, lose and you no longer will have the right
to use that name”. Johnson without hesitation agreed to this and the match would be held a week from the day.
The match was set, coach Bill”Shogun”Johnson’s Sierra Bulldogs would be taking on Yori’s Japanese All Stars (who
where actually resurrected Japanese warriors). The football contest was competitive for 5 minutes. This was during
the opening ceremony that featured both national anthems. The actual match, was the most lopsided affair ever
witnessed on God’s green earth. The bulldogs where bullied, beaten and humiliated in a 100 point beat down. The final
score was 105-0. Throughout the game, Johnson’s expression went from shock to disgust to finally, sadness. This
was not only the worst loss of his career, but it was the worst loss that any coach had ever suffered. After the game,
in front of the world, Bill Johnson apologized for ever using the word “Shogun” in describing himself and said he
would never use this term again. Yori accepted his apology and said the lesson to be learned here is, do not claim what
you are not and always seek full understanding of all historical and cultural information.
Yori sent the warriors back and went back to his abode, waiting for the next mission to humble and teach.
Written by Avo Bode
